Thursday, August 16, 2007

It's My Job

There is, apparently, a job for everyone and a person for every job. My accountant honestly likes being an accountant. I swear, he does it on purpose. The garbage truck guys were bantering happily as they zoomed by this morning, clinging to the side of their dripping truck like every day was a Worlds of Fun ride.

Quite a few people have made a nice living scooping up dog doo, because owners just don't have the five minutes it takes to do it themselves. I just read about a company in San Francisco that will rent you a dog for the weekend. You can buy the dog's love, and still avoid the commitment. You can do the same thing with humans. We call it prostitution.

Health e-Lunch will bring to your door a sack lunch for your kid to take to school, because it is faster for you to greet their staff at your door, accept and sort their packages, write them a check while chatting, and say goodbye than it is to make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich yourself. Think of the seconds you'll save! And your kid won't be tempted to swap his lunch with fellow students, because they'll discover everyone has exactly the same McLunch. Slick.

How about the Lice Squad? They are honest-to-God nitpickers. For only $55 an hour, they'll comb lice out of your kids' hair. One couple hired them to delouse two kids, the housekeeper and her daughter. The bill was $1000. I think for that much money they should just buy new kids. Maybe rent out the lousy ones to couples who are too busy for the commitment of having their own children.

So if you want to, go ahead and be a nitpicker. It's a job. It'll give you something to do with all that spare time you've saved by hiring someone to raise your kids.

3 comments:

  1. HI...I WAIT THAN YOU COULD READ THAT...I´M FROM ARGENTINA AND MY ENGLISH IS REALLY BAD...SORRY...
    I LIKE YOUR PROFILE..."SONGWRITTEN"ES VERY GOOD...ME TOO I´M SONGWRITTEN AND I PLAY GUITAR...MY BIG LOVE IS CHARLY GARCIA...THE BEST music OF ARGENTINA...
    my MSN IS bitelyuys007@hotmail.com
    bye

    ReplyDelete
  2. I always wanted to be the person who writes the little slips of paper that go into Chinese fortune cookies. I'm thinking it's probably a year-round 9 to 5 job because there are hundreds and thousands and millions of those fortunes and no two seem to be the same. Someone must write them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'd get fired from the fortune cookie job, trying to be too meaningful. "You're wife's not really at work." Or "The bum you just told to 'get a job' was actually Jesus."

    ReplyDelete

What do you have to say for yourself?